The Weirdest Greenleaf Season Ever
by sharknumber7
Summary: A weird Warriors story in celebration of Summer!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Bored 

Brambleclaw was sitting in the den, bored, flipping through channels on the T.V.

CLICK.

"And now for today's prey report..."

CLICK.

"A B C D E F G... C'mon, kits! Sing along! H I J K..."

CLICK.

"La la la la la la la! Catscratch!"

CLICK.

"MORTAL CAT FIGHT!!"

Brambleclaw sighed and tried to turn the T.V. off, but the stupid remote decided to quit working just then. Ticked off, he whacked it on the table beside the chair so hard that the whole table flipped over and crashed into the television set.  
Squirrelflight heard the commotion and popped her head in, just in time to hear her husband cuss and throw peanuts at the broken stuff. "Great Starclan!" Squirrelflight gasped. "Bramby, what's your problem?! You're awfully grumpy today."

"I can't help it!" Brambleclaw sobbed. "I'm bored and sick of doing nothing! Nothing ever happens anymore!" With that, he threw his stuffed panda at the ceiling fan. With a rusty groan it broke off and crashed on his head. "AND WHY THE CRAP WON'T FIRESTAR ORDER NEW FURNITURE?!"

Before his bewildered wife could answer, however, they heard their leader call out: "All cats meet under the Highledge for a clan meeting!


	2. Ch 2 Meeting

Chapter Two: Meeting 

The cats rushed to the Highledge, where Firestar was munching on a carrot. Seeing everyone was there, he threw the carrot into the woods, where the savage fluffy bunnies feasted on it. He announced, "Lately, I've noticed that most of us have been going on rampages of grumpiness all because of boredom..."

"AMEN!" Mousefur croaked from the back row.

"...and so I've decided that we should all do random activities for fun this greenleaf!"

Berrypaw, who was licking his butt a few seconds ago, sreamed, "YAY!!" "Oh, Starclan, try some mouthwash!" Jaypaw puked.

"So, Firestar, when will this fun start?" Brambleclaw asked. He was SO desperate.

With a sly grin, Firestar answered, "Tomorrow!" The whole clan gasped.

DUN DUN DUN!!!

"OMG what was that noise?!" Daisy screeched.

* * *

Sorry that was so short. Please R/R! 


	3. Ch 3 Pool Party

Chapter Three: Pool Party! 

That night, at the Gathering on the island, Firestar invited the other Clans to the Mystery Fun Thing they were going to do the next day. Everyone agreed to go, and even all the kits and elders got to go too, so all the cats were happy.

The next day, they all met in Thunderclan territory, and were surprised to find that Firestar had set up a pool party, complete with a pool (duh), a hot tub, a hired DJ, and a rather long table with loads and loads of M&M's, Froot Loops, bananas, corndogs, and Yoohoo.  
"Bonzai!" screamed Foxkit, jumping into the pool wearing swimming trunks and goggles already. It was then that he realized that he couldn't swim...too late!  
"Aah! Help! I'm drowning because I just now remembered that I can't swim!!!" he wailed, struggling in the water.  
"Foxy!" Ferncloud cried. "Oh, somebody save him!"  
"I got him!!" a lifeguard guy who came out of no where cried. He ran towards the pool, but unfortunetly he tripped over a rock and fell. "OW! MY ANKLE!"  
"Now what?!" Icekit wailed.  
"Fear not citizens!!" The cats turned around to see Crowfeather dressed in a cape and mask, fur blowing in the wind. "I, Super Cat, shall save you!!!" With that and a toothy grin that made the she-cats squeal, he jumped into the pool so hard that all the water flew out.  
"Yay! I'm alive!" Foxkit squealed from the bottom of the empty pool.  
"Foxy! You're all right!" Ferncloud exclaimed.  
"I like toothpaste!" Mothwing screamed.  
"Ow..." Crowfeather moaned.

After Firestar refilled the pool with fresh water and made sure all the kits were wearing floaties, everyone scrambled into their bikinis and trunks and hopped into the water while the DJ played the song "We Like To Party"  
They swam and ate and laughed for ten hours straight. Suddenly, Brambleclaw frowned and said "Wait a minute..."  
The clans silenced and listened.  
"I thought cats hated water..." Brambleclaw said softly.  
There was a rather long moment of silence and looking at each other. Then all the cats screeched and evacuated the pool. They all ran home, screaming. (Even the DJ, and HE was a Twoleg)  
As for the pool, it eventually blew up for no particular reason whatsoever, so future pool parties were out of the question anyway.


	4. Ch 4 Shopping

Chapter four: Shopping 

A couple days after the pool incident, Brambleclaw suddenly felt like buying stuff.

"Hey, Firestar! May I go shopping with my wife and kids?" He asked his leader.

Firestar looked up from making out with Sandstorm. "Yeah, yeah, sure fine...go ahead!" After saying that he went right back to kissing. "Thanks, Firefart!" Brambleclaw said happily. He then went to his den, got his wallet full of thousand dollar bills, and went to town with Squirrelflight, Jaypaw, Hollypaw, and Lionpaw. About an hour later, Firestar looked up again with a confused look on his face. "Firefart?"

Anyways, back to the shopping trip...

Brambleclaw couldn't believe he was in a mall! It was so awesome, and his family agreed. Lionpaw gave a squeal of delight as he ran straight for Victoria's Secret to try on some bikinis to see how stupid he looked in them, and Hollypaw followed with a camera in her paws and an evil smile on her face. She knew how ignorant Lionpaw was about the secrets of women. Squirrelflight went with Jaypaw to check out the pet store, leaving her husband by himself. Looking around, Brambleclaw saw an escalator. "Ooooh! Moving stairs!" he exclaimed as he ran towards it and hopped on. "WHEEE!!!" he screamed, throwing his paws up in the air. He was ascending, without taking a single step, at a whopping two miles per hour! Wow!  
He had so much fun that he went on the one that went down without even thinking about looking around on the second floor.  
Once at the bottom again, he saw Lionpaw running out of Victoria's Secret, screaming and covered with...um...lady stuff. Hollypaw was right behind him, laughing hystericaly and calling out, "Wait! You didn't try the sexy lipstick yet!" They disappeared into the pet store, only to rush out again with Squirrelflight, Jaypaw, and a whole bunch of yapping dogs in tow. It was then that Brambleclaw found out that staying on the second floor would be the best idea.

Brambleclaw eventually came by a Dip n' Dots stand on the second floor and bought a large cup of root beer flavored Dots. He found it weird how that stuff stuck to his tongue so easily. 'This better NOT become the ice cream of the future!' he thought.  
Suddenly he heard dogs barking and cats screeching nearby. "Oh, crap!" he exclaimed as his family and the dogs came running towards him! He dropped his Dots and ran.

After running for a few minutes, the cats finally lost the dogs when they hid in a Sears store.  
"Woah, check it out!" Hollypaw cried.  
"What is it?" Jaypaw asked.  
"I think it's a washing machine!" Lionpaw said in interest as he smeared the last of the mascara off his face. Then he gasped and pointed behind Hollypaw. "Look"  
"What? What is it?!" Hollypaw screeched as she turned around. Lionpaw then grabbed her, shoved her into the washing machine, and turned it on.  
"AAAAAAAHH!!!!!" Hollypaw cried as she went around in circles.  
"HA! Payback!" Lionpaw sneered at his sister.  
Meanwhile, Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw explored the refridgerators.  
"Oh, I like this black one!" Squirrelflight said as she opened one. "Hey, Bramby, I dare you to walk into this"  
"Pfft, well that's easy!" Brambleclaw laughed as he stepped in. He shrugged. "See? Nothing..." SLAM! Squirrelflight shut the door, laughing as she listened to the other cat scream in fear.  
"Squirrelflight! Help! I'm afraid of the dark!" Brambleclaw cried, wailing like a kit.  
Jaypaw walked by. He may be blind, but he knew exactly what happened. "Weirdos," he muttered, heading for the TV area. He stopped and called back to his mother, "Mom, you better let him out! He has all the money, and I hear you need a new TV in the den!"

"Now THAT'S the perfect size!" The cats were now standing in front of a large flat screen TV that costed over five hundred dollars.  
"Are you sure you can afford it, honey?" Squirrelflight asked Brambleclaw, who was still a little shaken from the refridgerator incident.  
"Y..yeah, I'm pretty sure," he answered. "I got about five thousand dollars with me." He looked at the shelf the TV sat on and saw a remote beside it. "But first, let me see if this works"  
And so he started to flip through channels.

CLICK.

"Luke, I am your father"  
"NOO...!"

CLICK.

"The name's Bond. James Bond."

CLICK.

"I love you! You love me..."

CLICK.

"MORTAL CAT FIGHT!"

Brambleclaw pushed the off button, but nothing happened. He pushed it harder. Nothing. He wacked it on the shelf. Nope.  
He was mad now. He was so mad he lost control. He slammed the remote again and again on the shelf so hard that the five hundred dollar flat screen toppled over and crashed into another, smaller flat screen, which crashed into another smaller TV, and another, and another, like dominoes.  
By the time the smallest TV on the shelf was knocked over, it flew across the aisle, barely touched the next shelf, and crashed to the floor. Unfortunetly for the next shelf, the laws of physics in this story constantly go on and off, and it's off right now. So that's how an even larger domino affect started, this time whole shelves toppling over.

And so in the end, Brambleclaw became broke from buying practicaly the whole store of Sears.


	5. 5: Amusement Park EDITED

**OK, I'd like to thank Flamepelt's Wrath for pointing out that mistake about Stormfur liking Millie instead of Graystripe liking Millie in this chapter. I changed it, but I still hate myself. I always get those two cats mixed up! XD **

* * *

Chapter Five: Amusement Park 

Very, very early in the morning on the second day of June, Firestar dialed Onestar's number on his cellphone. Onestar picked up on the third ring, and the Thunderclan leader could hear loud music in the background.  
"Yes?" Onestar answered loudly.  
"Hey, pal! I got another Special Activity Idea! Take your clan over by the horseplace; I'm getting all the clans to meet us there"  
"Uh...OK, um...NO BREEZEPAW DON'T PUKE ON THE FRESHKILL...Aw, dang."  
"Onestar?"  
"Yeah, yeah, I'll meet you there. I'll call Leopardstar for you."  
"OK. Thanks, Onesy!" Firestar said, and he then called Blackstar.

Awhile later, all four clans were at the horseplace.  
"So, Firestar," Leopardstar asked, yawning. "Where are we going this early?"  
"A special amusement park in Sandusky, Ohio!" While saying that, Firestar pulled out a map and brochure out of nowhere. In big letters on it were the words "CEDAR POINT".  
The clans gasped.  
"Cedar Point?!"

"Sandusky?!"  
"Ohio?!"  
"Mommy, what's an 'ohio?"  
"But..but Firestar, that's miles and miles away!" Sandstorm exclaimed.  
"There ain't no way we're walking THAT far!" Mousepaw put in.  
Firestar smiled slyly and held up a bunch of plane tickets. "Who says we have to walk?"  
"Uh..." was all Mousepaw said after that.

Luckily the plane just so happened to be the fastest one around, so all the cats got to Cedar Point just as the gates opened. Everyone was talking and arguing excitedly:  
"Let's ride the Maverick! It's brand new!"  
"No! Let's ride Top Thrill Dragster!"  
"Let's ride Millinium Force!"  
"The Magnum XL 200!"  
"Mean Streak!"  
"Raptor!"  
"I know! Let's ride the Jr. Gemini!"  
"No way! That's for kits!"  
"BATMAN THE RIDE!"  
"That's in Six Flags, moron!"  
"Oh."  
And so it went on, until finally.  
"SHUTUP!!" Blackstar screamed.  
Everyone got quiet immediantly and stared.  
"We don't have to stick together, you know! Just, everyone...go wherever you want!"  
A bunch of "Oh"'s, "Duh"'s, and "Right"'s filled the air as the clans figured out how stupid they were and went their separate ways.

Brambleclaw, Squirrelflight, Leafpool, Graystripe, Millie, and a bunch of other cats were in line for Mean Streak (a wooden coaster). They were the next ones to get on. Millie hadn't planned to ride it, but Graystripe had persuaded her to get in line with him. Now, she was scared all over again.  
"There is NO way in the world you're going to get me on that thing, Graystripe!"  
"Millie, it's gonna be OK! They got seatbelts and everything, it's not a looping coaster...there's no way you're going to fall out!" "I know, but...but it's so...so high!" Millie whimpered, shivering.  
Graystripe sighed. "Believe me, girl, as soon as we get past the first hill, I'm sure you'll LOVE it! And you know what? You WILL love it!"  
Millie snorted. "When hedgehogs fly!" "WHEE!!" a hedgehog screamed as it flew by and ran into a pole.  
"Um... When cereal falls from the sky!"  
As if on cue, all kinds of cereal rained down upon them. Leafpool caught some in her mouth. "MMMMM...munchy...crunchy...chocolately!! I'm cuckoo for Coco Puffs! CUCKOO FOR COCO PUFFS!!" She started bouncing around like the cuckoo bird in the commercials while everyone else stared at her with the famous Oo look on their faces.  
Millie tried again: "When I see Erin Hunter get off the next coaster train!"  
That happened too.  
"Whoooo!" Erin screamed as she unbuckled her seat belt and hopped off the train. "That ROCKED! Now I...oh, no! AAAAAHH!" She screamed as a whole bunch of fans chased after her.  
Brambleclaw gawked at all that had happened. "Now I've seen everything!" he breathed, and he passed out.  
Millie sighed. "Alright, I'll TRY to love it!"

Before they knew it, their train was climbing up the first hill. Brambleclaw sat with Squirrelflight in the front, Graystripe and Millie sat behind them, and Leafpool sat behind THEM with, to her surprise, (and discomfort, I'm sure) Crowfeather. All the other cats who chose to ride Mean Streak filled up the rest of the cars.  
Squirrelflight, excited, began to sing to Brambleclaw:

"Roller Coaster! Of love!  
Roller coaster!  
Hoo hoo hoo hoo!"

As they went down the first drop, with Millie screaming in fear behind him, Brambleclaw continued the song for her:

"Your love is like,  
A roller coaster,  
Baby! Baby!  
I wanna ride-"

Their love song was interupted when Graystripe began to scream/sing:

"SHE THINKS MY TRACTOR'S SEXY...!"

Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight winced at both his horrible singing and his rather randomly odd choice for a song, especially while riding a roller coaster.  
Fortunetly, though, Graystripe forgot how the rest of the song went, so he decided to scream instead of sing throughout the exciting ride.  
When they got off, Graystripe purred to his girlfriend, "Well, did you like it?"  
"Like it?!" Millie cried, "I LOVE it!"  
Almost immediantly, Graystripe, who apparently became obsessed with country lately, sang:

"I LIKE IT! I LOVE IT!  
I WANT SOME MORE OF IT!  
I TRY SO HARD!  
I-"

"Graystripe! Shutup!"  
"Sorry."

After riding the Wicked Twister, the Raptor, and a few random thrill rides, Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight met Jaypaw, Hollypaw, and Lionpaw as they bounded from Top Thrill Dragster.  
"Mom! Dad! Guess what!" Lionpaw panted as they ran toward them.  
"We were on a rollback!" Hollypaw exclaimed.  
"A what now?" Brambleclaw asked.  
"A rollback, Dad," Jaypaw said. "You know how the Dragster is power-launched up and over one huge hill and that's it?"  
Brambleclaw and his mate nodded, but they still wondered where in the world their children learned those big words. (Well, big for a cat, anyway)  
"Well," their son continued, "When our car was launched, there was not enough power, so once we came upon the upper section of the hill, there wasn't enough momentum. Therefore, our car rolled back down the same way it came. Luckily, they got emergency brakes on that ride, so there was no need to be afraid!" Jaypaw smiled at his confused parents. He was proud of his speech.  
"And the best part was that we got to get launched AGAIN!" Lionpaw screeched over excitedly, punching the air with his paw. "It was AWESOME! It kicked BUTT"!  
"Um...That's nice!" Squirrelflight said, still clueless.  
"Anyway, how'd you know all that stuff?" Brambleclaw asked.  
"Discovery Channel!" Hollypaw answered.  
"Roller Coaster Tycoon 1, 2, and 3!" Lionpaw added.  
"Uh...and other educational roller coaster stuff!" Jaypaw said.  
There was a moment of silence as husband and wife looked from each other to their kids.  
"Alrighty then!" Squirrelflight finally said. "Who's up for the new roller coaster?"  
"Me!" the apprentices shouted.  
"Oooh! Oooh! Me too, me too!" Brambleclaw screamed, jumping up and down while his family stared at him.

The line for Maverick, the new steel roller coaster, was extremely long. Almost everybody from every clan was there by now, and Bramblclaw could see Firestar, Sandstorm, Leafpool, Thornclaw, Brightheart, Longtail, and Mousefur in one of the cars that were cruising along on the bright red track. Brambleclaw could've sworn that was Mousefur screaming, "YEEHAW! RIDE 'EM COWBOY! WAHOO!" But he could've been wrong...maybe.  
Suddenly, he saw a group of Shadowclan cats exiting, and his sister was one of them.  
"Tawnypelt!" he called, "How was it?"  
"It was awesome!" she exclaimed. "I'm gonna ride it again!"

Brambleclaw agreed with Tawnypelt. It WAS awesome. He loved how smooth the track was as the car he and his family were in journeyed through twists and turns among the rocks. It was almost like a dream...until the car crashed into the car in front of them and they died.

Brambleclaw woke with a start in the den, screaming so loudly it awoke every single cat in the camp. Firestar rushed in. "Brambleclaw! Are you all right?!" he screeched, scared that the savage fluffy bunnies in the forest had maimed his deputy.  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was just a dream," Brambleclaw panted. Leafpool and Jaypaw then rushed in wearing emergency sirens on their heads, which made everyone back away from the entrance.  
"Don't worry, Dad! I'll save you!" Jaypaw screeched, pounding on Bramblclaw's chest. "C'mon, Dad! BREATHE for me!"  
"How can he? Your crushing his rib cage!" Leafpool said, pushing her apprentice aside. "Here, Brambleclaw, eat some poppy seeds."  
"Thanks...Leaf...pool..!" he answered as he struggled to breathe now that his son had probably smashed his lungs.

Later, Firestar met Brambleclaw by the freshkill pile. He told him about his dream, from beginning to end. When he finished, his leader asked with a rather confused look on his face: "What's an 'ohio'?"

* * *

**For those of you who have never been to Cedar Point, you should go there. It's roller coaster heaven!**


	6. Campfire weirdness

**Hey, I know summer vacation's over for just about everybody, but I'll continue with this story anyway...**

**(I own nothing.)**

* * *

It was a peaceful evening. Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight were hanging out—or, in other words, MAKING out—by the lake when Brambleclaw noticed something shiny.

"Hey, look! Something shiny!" he exclaimed, poking it with a stick.

"What is it?" Squirrelflight asked. "Is it a bomb?!"

"I think it's a lighter."

"Really? Cool! Let's go burn Shadowclan to a crisp!"

"Nah……I have a better idea!" With that, Brambleclaw pulled out a bag of marshmallows from…..uh…..I guess nowhere. (O.o)

Squirrelflight got the idea and pulled a couple packs of hotdogs out of nowhere. She grinned at Brambleclaw, who grinned back, and together they shouted:

"CAMPFIRE TIME! YAY!!"

By the next hour, Thunderclan were all sitting together around the campfire roasting marshmallows and hotdogs.

"You all want to know what I think?" Firestar asked.

"No!" chorused the other cats.

"I think," Firestar continued anyway, "that we should sing a song!"

"Ooooooh!" everyone else said.

"Uh….what song?" Lionpaw asked.

"Any song would be fine..."

Suddenly Spongebob appeared (Oh no…) and started to sing:

**Let's gather 'round the campfire,  
And sing our campfire song  
The C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song  
And if you don't think that we can sing it faster  
Then you're wrong  
But it would help if you just sing along...**

"AAAAHH!" Firestar screamed. "Anything but that!"

Spongebob pouted and disappeared. (Yay!)

"I got a song!" Hollypaw announced, holding up a hotdog.

"**Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Weiner;**

**That is what I'd truly like to be!**

**Cause if I..."**

"No!" Jaypaw interupted. "This song's better:

**My boloney has a first name;**

**It's O-S-C-A-R!**

**My boloney has a second name;**

**It's M-A-Y-E-R!"**

Bramblclaw, who had eaten too many marshmallows, groaned, "Oh, please don't sing about food…"

Lionpaw: **Pat a cake, pat a cake; **

**Baker's man!**

**Bake me a cake as fast as you can!**

"I said stop!"

Hollypaw: **Pease porridge hot!**

**Pease porridge cold!**

**Pease porridge in a pot**

**Nine days old!**

"I'll ground you kids if you don't quit singing!"

Jaypaw: **Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts,**

**Multiliated monkey meat,**

**Chopped up birdie feet!**

"SHUTUP!"

They did. The deputy sighed with relief.

"**Snap**

**Crackle**

**Pop!**

**Rice Krispies,**" Icekit squeaked.

Brambleclaw covered his mouth and scurried off to find a place to throw up.

Firestar blinked. "Well….if a song won't work, then….how's about a _ghost story? Whooooo!_" he whispered, wriggling his fingers...er….front toes.

"Um, dude? You're not being that scary," Birchfall told him.

"I agree!" piped up Lionpaw. "Perhaps _I_ should tell the story."

"Yay, Storytime!" Foxkit squealed.

"Well, alright," Firestar said, just as Brambleclaw returned and sat down. "Go ahead, Lionpaw."

"OK, here we go!" Lionpaw exclaimed, standing up. He thought for a moment, and then, in a creepy voice, began the tale:

_It was a cold, cruel, eerie night in Thunderclan territory. A tom cat warrior named Brambleclaw was guarding the campsite entrance, shivering in the chilly wind and wondering if the sun would soon rise. Out in the forest he could see nothing but fog and the dark shapes of the rocks and trees…_

_Then, suddenly, Brambleclaw saw a figure out in the fog, its amber eyes glowing in the dark. The mysterious cat crept closer and closer. Brambleclaw, shaking with fear, called out: _

"_Who's there?"_

_The phantom feline stopped. Brambleclaw could hear a low, menacing growl coming from it. Finally it replied:_

"_Surely, Son, you DO know who I am?"_

_The Thunderclan warrior sprang to his paws in shock. _

"_TIGERSTAR!"_

_The spirit of the evil cat laughed cruelly._

"_Yes, but please…call me Dad!"_

"_Never!" Brambleclaw growled._

"_Come with me, Brambleclaw, and we shall rule the world as Father and Son! Muahahahahahahahahaha!!" Tigerstar cackled._

"_Make me!"_

_The ambitious cat glared, growled again, and replied in a dark voice:_

"_Very well."_

_Just then, to his horror, Brambleclaw was surrounded with many dark spirits of the evil cats of the past. Scourge and some of Bloodclan were among them, "Bwahahahahahahahaha"—ing evilly._

"_Help!" Brambleclaw screeched as the ghosts closed in on him. "Help! HELP ME!!"_

_But his cries weren't heard._

_The next morning, it was Ashfur's turn to guard the entrance. When he got there, Brambleclaw was nowhere to be seen._

_And in Shadowclan, once Tawnypelt's turn to guard her camp came around, she found these words scratched in the dirt at her feet:_

_**YOU'RE NEXT!**_

"…..The End!" Lionpaw finished cheerfully. He looked around at his audience, who were in awe.

Then, all of these things happened:

The kits began to cry.

The apprentices shivered in fright and looked around, as if expecting Tigerstar to jump out and attack at any second.

Firestar just sat there, staring at nothing in particular and whimpering.

Leafpool decided to go to the Moonpool right then and there, so she could ask Starclan if it were possible that something similar to Lionpaw's story could happen.

Just about everyone else was freaking out and scurrying off into their dens to write their wills.

And Brambleclaw? Well….he fainted.

Poor kitty.


End file.
